Key Takeaways
- When a parent says they want to leave memory care, it’s important to listen closely.
- Try to understand the reasons behind their feelings, which may come from confusion or loss of independence.
- Respond with empathy, patience, and calm communication.
- Work together with the care team to better support your parent.
- Focus on the positive parts of their current home to help guide a supportive way forward.
Navigate This Difficult Conversation
Hearing your parent say they want to leave their memory care community can be heartbreaking and confusing. You’ve made the decision with their well-being in mind, and this request can fill you with doubt.
The most helpful approach involves understanding the root of their request, communicating with empathy, and working alongside their care team to address their concerns. Showing them you’re on their side is a key part of supporting a loved one with memory changes. This collaborative effort can help reassure your loved one and reinforce the support system you’ve put in place for their safety and happiness.
Explore the Reasons for the Request
Look for Common Triggers
A request to go home often isn’t about the physical location but the feelings associated with it. Your parent might be trying to communicate a deeper need for comfort, familiarity, or control. A new environment, even a warm and welcoming one, can be disorienting, which is a common experience for those with memory conditions.
For many seniors with dementia, “home” is less about a physical place and more about a feeling of security from the past. The request to go there is often a search for comfort and identity. These feelings can become more pronounced in the late afternoon or evening as daylight fades, a time when confusion and agitation can sometimes increase.
Think about what might be causing these feelings. Common triggers can include:
- Confusion or feeling overwhelmed in a new environment.
- A sense of lost independence or a change in personal freedom.
- Unfamiliar routines, faces, and daily schedules.
- A simple desire for the comfort of what they remember as “home,” which can sometimes contribute to wandering behaviors.
Communicate with Patience and Empathy
Use Helpful Communication Approaches
How you respond is just as important as what you say. Avoid the urge to argue or correct your parent’s reality. Instead, create a safe space for them to express their feelings.
Try to validate their emotions by saying things like, “It sounds like you miss our old house,” or “I understand this is a big change.” Reassuring them of your love and support can go a long way in calming anxieties. Remember to care for your own well-being, too, as it’s important to recognize the signs of caregiver stress and seek support when you need it.
Redirect with Gentle Care
After you validate their feelings, gently guide the conversation toward a pleasant topic. This isn’t about dismissal, but about easing their focus away from a source of distress. You could say, “I hear you. I was just thinking about your beautiful garden. Let’s go for a walk and see the flowers here.”
Focusing on the immediate present is also a source of comfort. Engage their senses by listening to a favorite song or looking through a photo album together. These simple acts can ground your loved one in the moment, creating peace and a feeling of connection where they are.
Collaborate with the Memory Care Team
How a Care Team Can Help
You don’t have to navigate this situation alone. Professionals in specialized memory care environments have experience with the transition period and can offer insights into what your parent is experiencing throughout the day. Open communication is essential.
Share your observations and your parent’s specific concerns with the staff. They can review the personalized care plan to see if adjustments are needed. Perhaps a new activity, a change in their daily routine, or more one-on-one interaction could help your parent feel more settled and engaged in their new home.
When you speak with the team, note the times of day your loved one seems most distressed. This information helps them identify patterns. You can also ask about specific engagement strategies, like aligning activities with a past hobby or career. Purposeful tasks, like sorting items or helping with a simple project, can provide a great sense of contribution and familiarity.
Remember the Benefits of Community and Care
Focus on Positive Aspects
During these challenging conversations, it can be helpful to gently remind yourself and your loved one of the positive aspects of their new home. Senior living communities with memory care are designed to provide a supportive and enriching lifestyle that might not be possible at home.
Your loved one has access to a safe environment designed for their needs, plus 24/7 support from a caring team. They also have daily opportunities for social connection and friendship, which are so important for well-being. Focusing on these benefits can reinforce that this decision was made out of love and a desire to avoid the health risks of social isolation.
Personalize Their Living Space
A powerful way to create a sense of belonging is to make your parent’s new room feel like their own. Familiar items provide immense comfort, so bring their favorite armchair, a beloved quilt, and plenty of family photos. These personal touches help transform a new space into a true home, reinforcing their sense of identity and security.
Find the Right Support for Your Loved One
Allowing for an adjustment period is important, as it often takes time for someone to feel comfortable in a new living situation. You can help by visiting regularly and participating in community activities together. This shows your loved one that this new place is a part of your life, too.
At Kingston at Dupont, the team is committed to providing compassionate care and support for your entire family. Contact the team to learn more.
